A DOUBTER'S SOJOURN

A Doubter’s Sojourn


Chapter 1

As the day of my first pilgrimage approached, curiously, I was the only person who was least enthusiastic. The very idea of making a pilgrimage, had not struck me, let alone the enthusiasm. In other words, my mind was still under the reeling pressure of erstwhile radical compulsions. I even had a feeling that this pilgrimage was thrust upon me,( though because of my own deeds. ) The crisis which seized me and my family had taken away a huge chunk of relaxation in the whole clan. So the only (but freak) way to get out of the mental impurities was to start for a pilgrimage. The saintly presence of your father and the leonine gestures of Ajith, coupled with the highly spiritual monologues of Dr.Raman, was to make the sojourn a one-time-wonder in my life, in the coming days. Strangely, but on the opening day I was not that excited. I had the inhibitions of taking such a long leave from my work, the obsessive worries about you and our sons and last, but not least, the disturbing doubt of adjustment with the fellow pilgrims.

As the train left behind you and all others whom I love and who love me, I felt a very queer sense of longing. I even had the temptation, to get down in the next station and come back to those who love me. But now there was no respite. I had to undergo the rigour of a pilgrimage. Whatever may be the result, this spiritual outlet was necessary. My friends, ranging from radicals, spiritualists, writers to pure bankmen (how diverse! ) might have been thunderstruck by this. They might have even termed me a fraud….going back on my words….All these thoughts might have come to my subconscious mind. Outwardly, I tried to contrive a countenance of spiritual peace.

But all these thoughts which were chattering in my mind, were to be proved utterly wrong in the coming days. Thus, on 9th October 2007, my first spiritual search, in physical terms, started.